L is for Loss (Secondary)

it’s a catch 22

Life is lovely one minute, challenging the next. Life is pleasant & unpleasant in equal measure, happy then sad. And when we have feelings of sadness, it can mean that we’re losing something we care about.

Handling loss, handling unpleasant feelings & emotions can be difficult. Our natural reaction is to push these feelings away or ignore them, perhaps pretend they’re not there. Or sometimes we magnify these feelings by focusing on them and only them.

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Gently does it

Here’s some gentle ways to help ourselves so that we can learn to handle feelings of loss:

1. When you’re dealing with loss, remind yourself that you’re not alone in finding things difficult & that you have a choice. Ask yourself, am I getting carried away by my feelings? Am I denying them? Am I suppressing them? See if instead you can gently do the following:

• let things be - label the feelings, be curious about how you’re feeling & be gentle with yourself - this is difficult

• let things go - decide if you want to hold onto these feelings or do you want to release them? Breathe in and breathe out deeply. Cry, call a friend, yell, dance to your favourite music!

• let things in - ask yourself what do I need right now to support myself? Have a warm drink or some food. Remind yourself how strong you are. Remind yourself of your friends, your family, your pets.

2. To help us recognise & deal with unpleasant feelings, do the mindful eating challenge. Choose a food you don’t like and would never normally eat - a small piece of raw onion, a tiny piece of fresh chilli. Notice your reaction to seeing this piece of food. Notice how it feels in your body when you think of eating it. No - you don’t have to actually eat it! Sometimes just the thought of eating it is enough! But if you want to, take a small bite of this unwanted food and notice how this experience feels for you, what sensations are there? See if you can breathe into them. Drop you focus to your feet. Notice any thoughts that are here for you. Remind yourself you have choices - you can react or you can respond. Sometimes creating space is just what we need.

Final take

Next time you’re feeling sad, have a go at this practice.

Pause, breathe & bring to mind someone you respect, you trust.

Ask yourself what they do in my situation? Bring to mind a small child or a pet. Ask yourself how can I bring the gentleness that I would show to them, to myself? Bring to mind yourself and be curious! Ask yourself what is the reason for my sadness? Write down what you’re noticing so that you can come back to it later if you’re able to. Although this might feel unnatural, it can be really helpful to get some perspective over our feelings and emotions, to create some space rather than be overwhelmed by them or try to push them away

“our brains are hard-wired to remember negative things - the brain is like sticky Velcro for bad bits. And not to remember the good bits - the brain is like Teflon for good stuff, positive things literally slide out of our memories, our focus.”

— you can practice ways to change this

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The not-so-small small print

There is none! Simply return to this part of the website daily to get the next part of this program. No payment or subscription required. This is a resource we are sharing with all of you through the website and aiming to help our youngsters, in the various stages of their lives. This program contains information and practices that are aimed for two different age groups and we intend to mostly post the primary level information in the morning and the secondary level in the afternoon. Please leave us a comment and let us know how you are getting on or get in touch if you require additional support. If you want to be notified of new content, courses and free resources subscribe to our mailing list.

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